… I’ll remember you are human too and used to be my brother before your freedom was robbed and sold in an exchange of an illusory salvation.
Back in the time we all were children of Old Gods so you are still my brother. If you are Christian I will remember you are an outcast, unrooted from your own body, plucked from earth and thrown on the verge of asphalted roads to wither in a Sun that cannot nourish you anymore.
I will feel sorry – for you, for me, for the mankind, but I will still love you in the name of the Dark Mother who brought us all into being by the will of the Divine.
If you are Christian I will embrace your fragility, fear, clinging on “light’ and I will remember I was just like you before having the strength to stand under the lightless sky and call the Divine on their True Name.
If you are Christian I will see you as an weaker render of me and I will hold space for you, brother.
If you are Christian I will love your light in the name of the Darkness and if needed I would do it with the violent grip of demons who hold me whole when I summon Void an Chaos themselves. I will not expect you to understand either.
Come, brother, sit with me, by my Pagan fire, and let us remember the time we hold together to warm up in the howling terror of ancient nights, before the caves who would shelter us, like the very womb of the Goddess.
Ave Satanis! 🖤
– Lirach Tasa Vefa Velhic Belial. Lirach Tasa…
– How’s you, little one? Feelings are stirring your mind, I see.
– Are you disappointed?
– Not particularly happy. But you gotta learn something from this.
– Will you stil be my Patron Demon?
– I am grateful…
– You have to go now. In the world bellow there is a life awaiting for you. Feel it, live it, learn from it. Learn your lesson. It’ll be a hard lesson.
– Will he….
– No. He won’t hurt you. It’ll be just hard…
Now, let’s sit a while in silence before you leave. No need to tell you know where to find me.
I just discovered that demons never sleep. When they don’t act, they sit still and the void and stars mirror in their ‘eyes’.
We don’t sleep either. Only our mind shifts focus from outer reality so our soul can also look in void, having the stars mirrored in their eyes too.
What is one with void lasts forever.
Sometimes the demons are the only meant to take away one’s grief and sorrow. Sometimes you become whole only when you totally loose yourself. Being on a Left Hand Path doesn’t mean you got to become a jerk unless you want to comply to the Right Hand Path depiction about it. This Beltane I probably was one of the few practitioners who put fruits on the Gods’ table, as I am vegan. And yes, crushed strawberries were to mimic a blood sacrifice for the blood is the most powerful symbol of life and passion and desire. Fruits can offer this energy to a spell because they are alive, thus they got pranic energy. Also they come right from the bosom of our Mother Gaia. Also blood means lost, destruction, deep despair, fear and death for when the blood is lost, the life itself is lost. And I want all these be taken away from me, which was granted right after I completed the offering. It was both an offering AND a sacrifice of pranic energy.
Instead of being possessed by a demon, I am possessed by WordPress for I cannot set blog’s theme and colors as I want. Frustrating!
Hecate told me beforehand that she would like me to bring an egg and seeds as offering at this Full Moon. So I did it, but also added an apple on the altar as I like to share a fruit with my Goddess at my Full Moon Rituals. I broke the egg over the seeds and spill everything on the ground, next to a tree in the park deepen in darkness and silence across the street. Once back inside, Goddess came to me and tried to talk, but I was too tired and could not stay focused. Although I had everything ready for automatic writing I asked to be excused for I cannot concentrate. This is what I learned to do lately as at first contacts when I could not concentrate anymore, I was simply fading back in physical world, without even saying the spirit it was going to happen (because I didn’t
knew it was). The Goddess smiled, hit my forehead with finger and told: ‘Mind you what you do with your mind. Because what you do with your mind is what you do with your life’.
Today I returned to my altar, lit a candle and burned incense. Breathed until relaxed then failed in trance. Hecate kind of was around of me all day but waited until I got in the proper state. I met Her in a totally dark emptiness. No landscapes, no meadow, creek or even a chair. Only black void, Her and myself. She was cloaked.
‘Is that simple. In order to meet us you have to really want and to believe you do. That will cause you rising energy so much to be able to contact your desired God, Goddess, Demon or any other spirit.
Fire, smoke, flames, vibrations are simply means to organize your mind and your energies according to certain patterns, so you can ascend. As I already told you, your mind is the portal between your physicality and the rest of Universe, that also includes the what you call ‘the spirit world’ which is in fact another level of energy, different of yours. If you do not rise your energy with your desire and belief we simply don’t hear. It would be like a ringtone that is too low and one cannot distinguish from the surrounding regular noise. We won’t answer to your evocation because we won’t hear your call. We won’t come. Some people have bad experiences with what they think to be spirits and this happen because they are not open enough and the energy they rise instead of going out to create a string of connection dwells in them, meet their own fears and anger and feed them. They don’t open their doors because of fear and this fear turns against them. I know you keep asking yourself why Belial is ‘nice’ with you while others keep telling such terrible stories about Him. I also know you won’t dare to ask Him about this 🙂 The reason is this: He is a powerful spirit. You feel protected around Him, right? (I nodded). When someone feels overwhelmed of this power, they close themselves to the flow of the energy and instead of making connection they simply mirror their brain. Real demons won’t hurt people as they have no desire nor reason to do it. The demons made by humans might however do that.
None of these ‘ritual stuff’: fire, vibration or smoke, not even the blood sheds which were done in ancient times ‘recreates’ us in physical world as some believe. What cause us go down on an intermediary level of energy is your true desire to meet us. This is ‘the energy’ that ‘recreate’ us. Is quite similarly with teleportation. Energy is used to travel between worlds and realms. So it really happen. Is true. For the reasons I just gave a vision is not just ‘a spasm of the brain’, is something that happen, only not totally in your physical world. Is partly here, partly elsewhere – on a higher level of energy. This is also the meaning of ascension and why you have to be able to do this. Devolving from here is also why we do not interfere in the physical world. The responsibility for this plane lays totally in your hands. You manage it how you want, but you have to know what you do and take the consequences. So it is with your journey back to spiritual awareness. We can guide but won’t ‘take the pain for you’. This is the bullshit religions always promise – that somebody will do the whole work instead of practitioner. Things as such are a simple matter of corruption, aiming to drain material resources and energy from those who think they can spare that solitary work from self to self. From void to void. Genuine spirituality always grows in loneliness. Herds can only be deceived. They ask for deceiving from how they pile up, flesh body close to another flesh body, trying to keep their natural awareness of spirit asleep. Empaths and those who awakened their spirit won’t feel well in crowds because even not always at conscious level, they infallibly perceive all those lies and made up stories. Now is time for you to go back, as I think I answered to all the questions you gathered lately’.
I thanked Goddess for everything and she caressed my face and hair instead of answering me something. I left myself to fail back from the void and shortly was on the floor of my room. Through the open window the cries of gulls kept ripping the night’s silence, to be carried away by the wind gusts, through the darkness. The place was energetically active for all the rest of the night.
It’s not always for the tough, or just because somebody wants knowledge and power. Sometimes, for some of us it so happens that we can’t understand and can’t keep it going. We want Good but The Good doesn’t want us. Something just doesn’t bind, sometimes, and when it is so, one starts asking themselves what’s wrong.
You close your eyes and pray, meditate. The meaning still fails to congeal and it just spins around in the darkness of the mind, like a row of fading shapes, without any meaning. And then, you supplicate for a break no matter how short but the life keeps hewing into you – just another of billion vivisections that occur on the planet, without any alleviation. And then, excruciatingly sharp, a long forgotten promise shows up, a word uttered back in the lonely childhood, spent under the terror of an abusive parent. A never kept promise, some repent then trowed in a hidden corner of self for so many years. After it hits, you start to pray to Rebellious with the fervor you should beseech the Savior. Not to be better – not this one more time, not even to stop the pain for a bit. Only that: may He never forsake you, may He never throw you – not now, nor in the future eternities – to Angels. May He forever live in you. May He fill your veins with blind darkness, or with the darkness of knowledge – it doesn’t matter so much. May you never forget anymore. May you never loose Him anymore. May you never waste so much time asking yourself why. In the bathroom’s mirror you see behind a slightly faded shadow and that feels safer. You know you were listened so that He is there, looking after you.
How many hopes had to be crushed for someone to rip the very own flesh for a covenant to be sealed with blood on the red stained edge of a magical athame? How much fright and agony and terror one should gather to throw away everything that once meant hope? If it was catharsis or something else got no idea but a healing peace went down and overtook me after the black ceremony of initiation. It was the serenity I promised myself at 16 and attained at 47. The peace with my own shadow. It happened how and when I wanted – in the night of the Dark Moon when even Mercury was turned back from Earth so nobody could help me in this. I stepped alone in front of the Universe with my one intention to keep a forgotten promise. So then I trespassed the world’s border and my own boundaries too. As inward so outward, as above so below, as they say. Slowly melting, the dark candles burned the whole night and the next morning till the noon. I slept holding inside my chest the light, the pain and the warmth of their flames. Little by little, the wound on my arm heals too and I feel more and more whole every time I step betwixt mist and shadows. It feels like feeding my soul after so many long years when I had no courage or I didn’t know I have to do it.
Nu, nu e intotdeauna pentru cei tari. Sau pentru ca vrei sa stii. Sau pentru ca vrei sa poti. Uneori este pentru ca nu intelegi si nu mai poti. Uneori si unora li se intampla ca vor Binele dar Binele nu-i vrea pe ei. Este ca si cum ceva nu se leaga oricat ai incerca. Si cand patesti asta ai vrea sa pricepi. Inchizi ochii, te rogi. Meditezi. Sensul insa refuza sa se inchege. Danseaza nebuneste in intunericul din spatele fruntii – un simplu sir de forme geometrice fara nici un inteles.
Implori ca totul sa inceteze macar pentru un pic dar viata continua sa scobeasca in tine – una din miliardele de vivisectii fara anestezie care au loc pe planeta asta in fiecare secunda. Vivida, sfasietoare, ca si cand niciodata n-ai fi uitat-o, o promisiune din adolescenta insingurata si plina de spaime, petrecuta langa un parinte abuziv iti apare in fata. O promisiune pe care ai regretat-o un timp, n-ai tinut-o niciodata si apoi pur si simplu ai pierdut-o intr-un cotlon al memoriei pentru multi, multi ani. Si te pomenesti rugandu-te Razvratitului cu ardoarea cu care ai fi putut sa-l implori pe Salvator. Nu, nu sa fie mai bine. Nu si de data asta. Nici macar sa inceteze durerea, fie si pentru un pic. Atat: sa nu te mai paraseasca. Sa nu te mai arunce vreodata – vesnicia asta si toate cele viitoare – ingerilor. Sa vina sa locuiasca in tine pentru totdeauna. Sa-ti umple vinele cu bezna oarba. Sau cu bezna cunaosterii. Orice, dar sa nu-ti mai dea voie sa uiti. Sa nu te mai lase sa-L pierzi. Sa nu mai petreci niciodata un timp asa lung intrebandu-te de ce.
In oglinda din baie vezi in spatele tau un intuneric abia destramat si te linistesti. Stii ca este acolo, ca vegheaza, ca n-o sa te lase.
E nevoie de multa spaima, singuratate si deznadejde incat cineva sa-si spintece carnea pentru a pecetlui cu sange un legamant de renuntare la tot ce a insemnat vreodata speranta. Daca asta poate sa fie numit katarsis sau nu idee n-am. Dar a fost in mine tare multa liniste dupa ceremonia neagra de initiere. A fost pacea pe care mi-am promis-o la 16 si mi-am permis-o abia la 47. Pacea cu intunericul din mine. Atunci, in noaptea Lunii Negre, cand nici macar Mercur nu se uita spre noi am pasit peste un hotar al Universului si al meu. Cum cele dinauntru si cele din afara, spun paganii. Topindu-si incet ceara intunecata, lumanarile au ars pana a doua zi la pranz iar eu am dormit vegheata de flacara lor. Taietura de pe antebrat se vindeca putin cate putin si, la fel, eu ma simt din ce in ce mai intreaga de cate ori pasesc intre neguri. Este ca si cum mi-as hrani sufletul dupa niste decenii in care am uitat ca trebuie sau n-am avut curaj sa fac asta.